two prayers

“some nights i still hope you'll come back. that your name lights up my screen and it feels like home, not a warning. but most nights, i hope you don't. because we've said the last goodbye three times now, and every time we start again, we end the same. just more tired. just less of ourselves. i'm not scared of losing you. i'm scared of losing you again. of building us back out of the same pieces that broke the first time, and the second. so this is what's left of loving you: i hope you find your way back. i hope you never do. not because i stopped wanting you, but because i can't survive becoming us just to become strangers one more time.”