maybe it was never me

“you came in heavy not loud, just... certain like the kind of feeling that doesn't ask it settles in your chest and waits you weren't scared of losing her you were scared of how easily you could be replaced like if he came back you wouldn't even be a choice just a moment before she goes back and still you stayed gave her everything like love was something you had to earn like if you poured enough she'd finally choose you but when you stopped, really stopped and asked yourself when did she ever choose me first? nothing came not one moment that felt certain not one memory that stayed and that silence said more than anything she ever did but you're not clean either you saw your past in a small post just a thumbnail just a second and your heart paused not dramatically not the way it does in movies just quietly like a door you thought was locked opening a little you're still not healed either you just got better at carrying it and maybe that's why you stayed because after two years of feeling nothing even this felt like something even borrowed warmth felt like home even this ache felt like proof you were alive again but not everything that makes your chest hurt is meant to stay and now you're sitting here with that quiet cold truth growing harder to ignore that maybe you were never unloved just never chosen”